父が亡くなった。2012年3月13日午前８時２２分。父が息を引き取る５、６時間前に、大雪で八戸から先の列車が不通になる中を、弟の車で何とか病院に辿り着いた。モニターの脈拍が０になったその瞬間、病室の中は私と父だけになっていた。
My father was dead. March 13 in 2012, at 8:22 in morning. I just was in time for his death before 5 or 6 hours with my brother. Outside was in the snowstorm as impossible as relate the train from Hachino-he to Oh-minato. When his pulse was disappear from the moniter, I was there with only my father in that room.
病院について直ぐ父の顔を見たとき、父の死は間近だと感じたが、一方で、自分が来たからには何とかできると、とっくに医者も見離しているのに（担当医は当直でもないのに帰宅せずに留まっていた。おそらく臨終の宣告をするためだったのだろう）、根拠もなく考えていた。実際はどうすることもできずに父の死を迎えたのだったが。
When we arrived, soon I felt he would be die in not so longtime. The other side, I had strange confidence that I could save his own life unfounded. At that time, his doctor has been gived saving his life up already I guess. Actualy I couldn’t do anything as completly for my father, I must be allowed the fact of his death.
私は父を助けることが出来たのではないか？と思う。６カ月、せめて３カ月間、介護に専念したら父を回復させることが出来たのではないかと今も思う。それをしなかったのは自分達の生活を優先したからだ。見捨てたと言われても仕方ない。父が私に会いたがったのは、何故そうしてくれなかったのか、と問いたい気持ちもあったのかも知れない。
I wonder if I can do saving my father’s-own-life ? I have been imagined that he might be Come-back to our family, if I could take him care with apply myself, just while 6 or minimum 3 months. Althogh I couldn’t, because I have to keep the life of my own family. Was I abandand him? He wants to complain to me, I wonder?
写真の風車の下の黒々とした林は父の植林した杉林だ。山が大好きだった父自身の手で最終間伐を終え、たっぷりと間隔を取った林相は周囲の、手の入らない林とは歴然の差だ。植林後まだ50年に少し満たないらしい。これから時間を経るごとに立派な木に育っていくだろう。父の心が残っている林だ。
There is my father’s tree planted property that was viewed dark place in this picture. That is having good condition for trees now as he loved trees and its emvironmental nature. These trees just are little for use since only 50 years after his planting. They will be glowing up gradually. This mountain reminds me to him. 3/27
