Blue seagull

breakfast one day。It's refreshing though、Just a little color is fun。Even a low-salt diet has plenty of flavor。The rice is a little messy though、Since it is hospital food, it is unavoidable to some extent.。

180 grams of rice is quite a lot.。Looks like most of your calories come from carbohydrates.。Comparing only rice、This one meal is equivalent to my usual amount of rice.。Repeat this three times、I feel like I only eat rice every day.。

I am determined to have natto and yogurt every morning.。Natto is an efficient way to consume vitamin K.。45g of rice is treated like a condiment for natto.。Yogurt is for regulating the stomach and intestines, which is a weak point.。This is a generous 300g。The rest is fine if you don't have it.。noon、It's appropriate at night、Eat with some thought。Basic diabetic diet。I don't have diabetes、is the basis for calculation。

Hospital patients are boring、looking forward to the meal。Is it because of that?、Everyone eats extremely quickly.。I usually eat slowly、I feel like I'm being rushed too much。Japanese people are proud of Japanese food, but、Like this、What about the way you eat by scratching?、I thought。I remembered the time I went to Menza (the railway staff cafeteria) in Milan.。

Almost all the men and women there were drinking two or three small bottles of wine.、take your time、talking loudly、We were laughing and enjoying our meal slowly.。Is it okay to drink some wine?、It was so cheerful that no one even thought about it.。

Because it's a hospital、For example, even if you can't do it happily like Italians,、I feel that the way Japanese people enjoy meals is completely different from that of other people.。Maybe it's a difference in philosophy。

everything、If their philosophy is to enjoy life、even if it's a hospital、With more eyes、with your tongue、Meals that can't be enjoyed with your hands、You may think that it is the cause of disease.。I don't want to end up in hospital care while traveling.、Once at a hospital in Italy (I hope it was only a very mild illness)、I feel like I want to taste the atmosphere too.。

i had an older sister。He died six months after I was born.、Of course I don't know your face、My sister must have seen my face.。He was 2 and a half years old。I don't have any photos because it was a rural area at the time.。Mother pinches her daughter's soft hair、It was kept for a long time (probably still is)。When I was in the lower grades of elementary school、I remember my mother showing me this at some point.、I've seen it myself several times since then.。

The pacemaker is、To the heart where accurate electrical signals no longer reach、A device that accurately transmits signals tailored to a person's physical activity.。That's now、It's starting to move inside my chest as a part of myself.。

The pacemaker itself does not move.。It's just a cold (not cold) machine.。But from the moment they cut open a piece of my flesh and embedded it inside.、share life and death with me、It has become a particularly important part of me.。ahead、important important hand、foot、Eye、Even ears etc.、I can't say it won't be lost to me, but、That's all for as long as I'm alive、never lost。

night、When I woke up and somehow stroked it over my underwear,、It's still a bit painful and swollen.。All the people and things that have happened up until now have been involved.、This is a machine that literally jumped into my chest.。I have to take care of it。

that's why、It's not the name of a machine called a "pacemaker."、I'll give it my own name。Let's call her "Yoko" for now.。that's my sister's name。2016/11/29

突然「絶対安静」、ベッドから出てはいけないと言われ、いつ転倒しても不思議ではない状態と理由も告げられたのに、その指示の意味が手術後までも、解っていなかった。

ベッドでモニターの数字だけを見ていた。30〜35から上へなかなか上がらない。逆に時々27,28に下がる。パッと夢が覚めたら65とか70とかになるという、祈るような気持以外、頭が働かない。示される数字の現実感が薄い。

手術の説明があり、器具の説明がある。それぞれ理解はできるが、心は上の空のまま手術室へ。

術後2日ほど経ち（26日）、ほぼ全ての予定のキャンセル、移動などの連絡を終え、やっと落ち着いてきた。

なぜ手術が必要になるまで症状に気づかなかったのか。これからどうするのか。

「安静」とは文字通り静かに休むだけだと思っていた。もちろんその通りだが、少なくとも「何もしない」だけの意味ではない。「積極的に」何もしない、のである。「何もしない」ことが「無意味」とは正反対の意味だということが、遅ればせながらやっと解ってきた。

仕事や会合の連絡なども確かに大事だが、死なないまでも、安静を犯して入院を長期化させてしまえば、連絡など何の意味もなくなってしまう。少し大げさに言えば、病気でさえここまでの私の人生の結果である。And、手術そのものも多くの人の心配や励ましや努力の結果だ。それをきちんと活かすために、自分が今できる最大のアクションが「安静」なのだ。 2016/11/30