Month: March 2012

my father died。2012March 13th, 8:22am。Father takes his last breath 5、6 hours ago、Trains beyond Hachinohe were suspended due to heavy snow.、I managed to reach the hospital in my brother's car.。The moment when the pulse rate on the monitor became 0、It was just me and my father in the hospital room.。

My father was dead. March 13 in 2012, at 8:22 in morning. I just was in time for his death before 5 or 6 hours with my brother. Outside was in the snowstorm as impossible as relate the train from Hachino-he to Oh-minato. When his pulse was disappear from the moniter, I was there with only my father in that room.

When I saw my father's face as soon as I arrived at the hospital、I felt that my father's death was near.、on the other hand、Since I came, I can do something、Even though the doctor had given up on me a long time ago (the doctor in charge didn't go home even though he wasn't on duty).。It was probably to announce the deathbed.)、I was thinking without any basis。In reality, my father died without being able to do anything.。

When we arrived, soon I felt he would be die in not so longtime. The other side, I had strange confidence that I could save his own life unfounded. At that time, his doctor has been gived saving his life up already I guess. Actualy I couldn’t do anything as completly for my father, I must be allowed the fact of his death.

Couldn't I have helped my father? I think。6 months、At least 3 months、I still think that if I devoted myself to caring for him, I might have been able to recover my father.。The reason we didn't do that was because we prioritized our own lives.。I can't help it if you say I abandoned you。my father wanted to meet me、why didn't you do that?、Maybe there was a feeling of wanting to ask。

I wonder if I can do saving my father’s-own-life ? I have been imagined that he might be Come-back to our family, if I could take him care with apply myself, just while 6 or minimum 3 months. Althogh I couldn’t, because I have to keep the life of my own family. Was I abandand him? He wants to complain to me, I wonder?

The dark forest under the windmill in the photo is a cedar forest planted by my father.。The final thinning was completed by my father, who loved the mountains himself.、The forest fauna, with plenty of space between each other, is、There is a clear difference from an untouched forest.。Apparently it has been a little less than 50 years since the trees were planted.。It will grow into a fine tree as time passes.。This is Hayashi where my father's heart remains.。

There is my father’s tree planted property that was viewed dark place in this picture. That is having good condition for trees now as he loved trees and its emvironmental nature. These trees just are little for use since only 50 years after his planting. They will be glowing up gradually. This mountain reminds me to him. 3/27

父の具合が良くない。ある明け方にふと考えた。父の肖像画が無いと。

My father has been bad for three weeks. One morning, I found that I didn’t have his portrait I painted.

私は画家である。しかも主要なテーマは（人物画とは言いにくいが）人間である。nevertheless、父の肖像画は一枚もない。父も母も妻も兄弟、親類の誰をも描いていない。自画像すらほとんど無い。祖父が亡くなった時、まだ温かい体の上にまたがるようにしてデスマスクを描いた。それ以外は息子の、折々のスケッチが数点あるだけだ。

Although I’m a professional painter, but I have not painted any portraits of my relative’s. Even my self-portrait is also. In exeptional cases, one portrait of my grand-father was painted as his deth-mask just when he died, I did it on his body like a horse riding. Other is even a few my son’s, occasionaly.

考えるほど、それは奇妙なことだと思えてくる。普段から人間の顔やしぐさなどに興味を持ち、人より深く観察していると自分では思っていたのに、これはどういうことなのだろうか？

I feel that’s the more strange, the more thinking. Althogh I’ve been keeping curiosity about human’s faces, human’s manner and I believed I was a good human watcher, why I didn’t do that?

家族では生活感が強すぎて、絵画の対象から外れてしまうということなのだろうか？しかし、生活感と絵画とが矛盾するというわけではないとも思う。

Is this mean that the family is too close to me for object of painting pictures? However, I think that is consistable.

これからは意識して自分や家族、身近な人を描いてみよう。よく知ったモチーフから、良い絵が生まれる例は数多いのだし。

I will painting many portraits of my familial people after now. It goes without saying that the greatworks will be born from a famirial goods or things for artists.