달: 행진 2012

아버지가 죽었다.。2012년 3월 13일 오전 8시 22분。아버지가 숨을 끄는 5、6시간 전에、폭설로 하치노헤에서 앞 열차가 불통해지는 동안、동생의 차로 어떻게든 병원에 도착했다.。모니터의 맥박이 0이 된 그 순간、병실 안은 나와 아버지 뿐이었다.。

My father was dead. 행진 13 in 2012, at 8:22 in morning. I just was in time for his death before 5 또는 6 hours with my brother. Outside was in the snowstorm as impossible as relate the train from Hachino-he to Oh-minato. When his pulse was disappear from the moniter, I was there with only my father in that room.

병원에 대해 바로 아버지의 얼굴을 보았을 때、아버지의 죽음은 가까이 있다고 느꼈지만、반면에、내가 왔기 때문에 어떻게 든 할 수 있다면、나는 이미 의사를 발견했다.。아마 임종의 선고를 하기 위해서였을 것이다)、근거 없이 생각하고 있었다。실제로는 할 수 없어 아버지의 죽음을 맞이했지만。

When we arrived, soon I felt he would be die in not so longtime. The other side, I had strange confidence that I could save his own life unfounded. At that time, his doctor has been gived saving his life up already I guess. Actualy I couldn’t do anything as completly for my father, I must be allowed the fact of his death.

나는 아버지를 도울 수 있었던 것이 아닌가? 생각。6개월、적어도 3개월간、개호에 전념하면 아버지를 회복시킬 수 있었던 것이 아닐까라고 지금도 생각한다。그렇게 하지 않았던 것은 자신들의 삶을 우선했기 때문이다。버렸다고해도 어쩔 수 없다.。아버지가 나를 만나고 싶었던 것은、왜 그렇게하지 않았습니까?、묻고 싶은 마음도 있었을지도 모른다。

I wonder if I can do saving my father’s-own-life ? I have been imagined that he might be Come-back to our family, if I could take him care with apply myself, just while 6 or minimum 3 months. Althogh I couldn’t, because I have to keep the life of my own family. Was I abandand him? He wants to complain to me, I wonder?

사진의 풍차 아래의 검은 숲은 아버지의 숲이 우거진 삼림입니다.。산을 사랑했던 아버지 자신의 손으로 최종 간벌을 마무리、충분히 간격을 둔 임상은 주변、손에 들지 않는 숲과는 역연한 차이。식림 후 아직 50년에 조금 채워지지 않은 것 같다。앞으로 시간이 지날 때마다 훌륭한 나무로 자랄 것입니다.。아버지의 마음이 남아 있는 숲이다。

There is my father’s tree planted property that was viewed dark place in this picture. That is having good condition for trees now as he loved trees and its emvironmental nature. These trees just are little for use since only 50 years after his planting. They will be glowing up gradually. This mountain reminds me to him. 3/27

父の具合が良くない。ある明け方にふと考えた。父の肖像画が無いと。

My father has been bad for three weeks. One morning, I found that I didn’t have his portrait I painted.

私は画家である。しかも主要なテーマは（人物画とは言いにくいが）人間である。그럼에도 불구하고、父の肖像画は一枚もない。父も母も妻も兄弟、親類の誰をも描いていない。自画像すらほとんど無い。祖父が亡くなった時、まだ温かい体の上にまたがるようにしてデスマスクを描いた。それ以外は息子の、折々のスケッチが数点あるだけだ。

Although I’m a professional painter, but I have not painted any portraits of my relative’s. Even my self-portrait is also. In exeptional cases, one portrait of my grand-father was painted as his deth-mask just when he died, I did it on his body like a horse riding. Other is even a few my son’s, occasionaly.

考えるほど、それは奇妙なことだと思えてくる。普段から人間の顔やしぐさなどに興味を持ち、人より深く観察していると自分では思っていたのに、これはどういうことなのだろうか？

I feel that’s the more strange, the more thinking. Althogh I’ve been keeping curiosity about human’s faces, human’s manner and I believed I was a good human watcher, why I didn’t do that?

家族では生活感が強すぎて、絵画の対象から外れてしまうということなのだろうか？しかし、生活感と絵画とが矛盾するというわけではないとも思う。

Is this mean that the family is too close to me for object of painting pictures? However, I think that is consistable.

これからは意識して自分や家族、身近な人を描いてみよう。よく知ったモチーフから、良い絵が生まれる例は数多いのだし。

I will painting many portraits of my familial people after now. It goes without saying that the greatworks will be born from a famirial goods or things for artists.